Shakespeare/Chuck Norris/Stewie

"He that hath a beard is more than a youth.  He that hath no beard is less than a man." William Shakespeare.

Thank you Bill.  Thank you wise man that has brought us such greats as 'Much ado about Nothing' and 'The Merchant of Venice'.  Thank you o Bard of Avon. 

The Beard would like to commend Billy Shakes for the foresight and wisdom to make such profound social commentary. 

Wheels turning...can't stop thinking...idea forming...??? If Shakespeare had never existed to write 'Romeo and Juliet' than 'Romeo must Die' featuring Jet Li would never have been made.  Jet Li also stared in 'Lethal Weapon 4' with Joe Pesci.  Also in the Lethal Weapon series Danny Glover and Mel Gibson.  Danny Glover once stared in 'Predator 2'.  'Predator 2' was a sequel to 'Predator' starring Arnold Schwarzenegger.  Arnold starred side by side with Chuck Norris in the 'Expendables 2'.  Henceforth by logical fact based deduction, Chuck Norris would not exist if were it not for William Shakespeare.  This means that if Shakespeare had never existed we would not have the following clip.

To much deep thinking...getting so sleepy...nap time for the Beard.  

Christmas Eve

The Beard is very excited for Christmas morning!

 

Side note - The Beard won one of our fantasy leagues this year.  

Two Shoes one Champion crushed CeReAl KilLerS in the finals in the Capital Vanilla Grillas League.  Full recap to come.

Shel Beard

 

 

"My Beard"

 

My beard grows down to my toes,
I never wears no clothes,
I wraps my hair
Around my bare,
And down the road I goes.

 

Shel Silversteen

 

 

 

Not a lot of time this week for the blog so Beard though short and sweet was better. 

 Like Mike St Clair holding a snow cone.

 

Stop it !

BEARD SAYS STOP IT! (in a very authoritative tone...but with a slight hint of sarcasm and humor...and an undercurrent 'no really, I'm serious)


Stop it Syria - close to 10,000 of your own people...beard on beard violence is good for no one...so stop it


Stop it Segway tours - Beard says these are the creepiest forms of transportation and calls for them to be abolished...rolling by slightly leaning forward with your oversized helmets in your little groups of overweight Caucasians from the Midwest all staring beady eyed. Stop it.



Stop it Woman driver on your phone - if you already struggle with things like traffic patterns, accelerating, steering, merging, signaling, etc then why add another element like trying to call your friend to talk about nothing?  Put the phone down lovely ladies of the interstate and STOP it!


Stop it People telling me that Movember is over and asking why haven't I shaved.  Retort .. "Parden me nancy but why don't you and your yuppie friends worry about where your next latte is coming from instead of bothering me about my glorious Beard.  Do I need to wait for a contrived month of moustache growing to grow a beard? No, I don't.  Beard Season is year round.  Now Stop it and go get back in your Mercedes SUV and go get mani/pedi with your friends.

Stop it News Anchors using the words fiscal cliff and politicians causing them to use these words so often.  This is a two-fer stop it.  Politicians .. put your big boy pants on and come up with a solution.  News anchors.. please report on said solution then move on.. John Stewart and Stephen Colbert - keep doing what you are doing. 

Stop it People who wear hats or earphones (Beats audio) inside a building.  My Beard and I are thrilled that you either spent $200 on those earphones or shop lifted them but you don't need to bring them to a restaurant with you.  Talk to the person across from you.  All hats but especially baseball caps with straight bills and the license sticker still attached need to come off in a building.  If you have a hard time with this go ask your grandparents.  Little shits.  Stop it.

 

Example of both.

1000 Blog Visits

Thank you for all of the blog visits so far.  Here is a video of Beard this morning as a reward.  You're welcome.

 

 

Beard says No More

The Beard does not know who is out there making these pictures but demands them to stop it.

 

Beard is confused by these pictures. 

No like. 

Stop it.

The Beard Sayeth

Movember, and its moustache loving/charitable cause, is in the rear view window.  This means Beard can say what he has been wanting to say about moustaches since he started writing this blog.

 






The moustache is to a beard what.....

 

Tyson is to Ali

 

Johnny Football is to Teddy Ballgame

 

Dude, Where's my Car is to The Big Lebowski

 

Miller 64 is to Old English 40 oz

 

Jack Johnson is to Sublime

 

Mac & Cheese is to Lasagna

 

Damn....The Beard is on Fire.

 

 

The moustache is to a beard what ....

 

 

A fiat is to a Ford Truck

 

The Golden Compass is to The Lord of the Rings

 

Three Doors Down is to Stone Temple Pilots

 

Alton Brown is to Harold McGee (for the foodies)

 

Leverage is to the A-TEAM

 

SNAP....The Beard is killing the Stache..."A Beard and a Moustache walk in to a bar....Only the Beard walks out!!"

 

The moustache is to a beard what....

 

 

Andy Dick is to Sean Connery

 

Secret is to Old Spice

 

Bobby Brown is to Otis Redding

 

Punch Drunk Love is to Waterboy

 

The Smurfs are to The Thundercats

 

Dan Brown is to Steinbeck

 

Creamy Peanut Butter is to Crunchy

 

Joe Theisman is to Lawrence Taylor

RIP - Movember and the Stache.

 

 

 

Dear Santa....

Dear Santa,

We hope that we are getting this letter off in time to reach you before Christmas.   Even though you are one of the thousands of those following 'thoughts of a beardsman' we do realize you are busy and hope you can squeeze in time for us.  It has been a busy year for us so far and before the holiday season fully hits we wanted to get down a few present ideas.


We wish for:

Continued glorious Beard growth.  If only to follow in your footsteps (Odin/Saint Nicholas/Sinterklauss)

A karate belt for Ayden

A football trophy for Elijah

The rest of Jerry Richi's pants (he has been wearing those same highwaters for years.  It's embarrassing the rest of us)


Speedy recovery for Trick Daddy (just layed his bad-ass scooter down and busted his leg)

Another Panther's win

We wish that if someone chooses to end their own life that you prevent them from harming others in the process.  Beard says that's a chicken shit way to go.  Mourn the victim not glorify the murderer by lamenting what went wrong with their life.

Driving lessons for our boy Ryan who after 15 years of driving still can't drive a vehicle longer than 2 months without dinging something.

The patience to deal with beard haters

Gold teeth for the rest of Samuel's mouth (Capital Grille people know what I am talking about)

The abolition of archaic rights-stealing amendments like Amendment 1 in NC.  Beard says boo to infringing on other's rights out of your own hatred and fear.

Another year of delicious sandwiches

The strength and perseverance to continue being the nation's 47th most visited blog about beards.

For my boy Darrell to be able to see his toes again with his new drink less beer and more scotch approach.  "real men drink scotch...I should be able to drink scotch". Hell yeah! Pulling for Team Green!

Last but not least I would really like my son to be able to do the following
-Breakdance and/or Dougie
-Sing at least one Merle Haggard song
-A backflip
-Read me a book
-Ask the Beard for advice on things every once in awhile




Thanks Santa