Alarm Clocks, Raphael, and Mystery

Start music before reading if you can.  If not just read and pretend you are listening to really dramatic mystery music.



7:24 am this morning .

Beard wakes me from my slumber. 'What the F Beard?' The alarm is set for 7:30.  This had better be good. The Beard has heard crying from the other room.  My canine companion, Charlie Buckets, is also awake pacing the room and whining. 

Fine, fine. I am up. Be cool, both of you.  I start to shake the cobwebs and slowly roll to the edge of the bed.  Now I hear a faint whimpering.  Must be the boy, I think.  Probably stepped on a toy battle axe getting out of his bunk bed.  Maybe he is crying because he can't reach the Easter basket I hid on top of the oven (out of his chair assisted reach).  Hell, it could be anything with Wylie.  I should probably be grateful he didn't wake me up by turning on the bedroom light and smacking me in the foot with his Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle Sai again (shout out to Raphael). 

I open my bedroom door and start moving towards the muffled wailing.  Should I start coffee first?  Odd, the cries don't seem to be coming from the bedroom.  Coffee can wait, kid might be in the garage with the power tools.  Never to early for Man Work but should probably have supervision. 

Shuffle, shuffle.  I slowly make my way through the living room with Charlie the crime dog at my heels.  We are going to get to the bottom of this mystery right now.  Out of the corner of my eye I pickup on some movement on the back deck.  Mental note - see what that is after saving the boy from himself.  Past the television, the washer and dryer, the kids bath, Porter's room, and into Wylie's room I go. 

Not on the bottom bunk, I check the top, empty as well.  Quick check for feet under the curtain or a closed closet door reveal no child.  The crying starts up again.  I suddenly remember the movement on the back porch.  Time to revisit.  Back past Porter's room, the kids bath, the washer and dryer, and television I thud. 

Charlie is at the sliding glass door waiting for me to catch on.  I slide the door open as the crying starts to reach a fevered pitch.  There in the middle of the back deck is the missing boy.  Pajama pants around his ankles, the morning dew covers his feet.  I notice he has mud on his legs.  'What are you doing outside Wildman?' He looks up from his feet. 'I had to go potty, I had to go potty'.  Pitiful.  It dawns on me.   Potty? Outside?  It didn't rain yesterday.  Rain turns dirt to mud.  How can he have mud on his legs?  Wait a damn minute...

 

sidenote to the nerds, Sam, reading this.  I know the pictured Turtle is not Raphael.  I did not have a pic of him in such a dramatic pose at my disposal.

 

#charlotte, #charlottechildcare, #poointheyard, #cantbetrusted

Raising wild n crazy boys and another year Bearded!

Well 'Thoughts' fans..another year has come and gone.  2013 is in the books.  Last year seemed to watch the Beard morph from a tangled mass of manliness into a well groom piece of art.  There was one full shave mid-summer which I hope to be forgiven for.  In terms of quality it would be hard to rank years but I would put that one at the top.  Watching my boy grow has been a trip.  Wylie is now the age that Ayden, our nephew, was when he stayed with us for most of a year while his mom was deployed.  Seeing the similarities and differences between the two at this age has been and will continue to be fun.  Life for these boys at our house is best summed up in these two clips.

Click to this link to watch Wylie Video then watch Ayden below!

 

If the videos played for you when reading this I hope you know me well enough to laugh.  If they did not play for you the videos were mostly educational tutorials.  Very happy Ayden, Gina, Dave, Ellie, and Vivi are in Charlotte now. 

2014 is shaping up to be a busy one here at the Buchanan household.  We found out my beautiful wife, Ericka Faye, is expecting another baby.  This one will be a boy as well.  Porter Call Buchanan seems to be the hands down favorite for names.  Wylie is going to have some competition around the house for attention. 

In addition to Porter's arrival in July the Beard and I are also going to run a marathon (1st time), a Spartan Sprint (could do in my sleep, 'the Beard'), and a Spartan Beast race (3rd time).   Goals are to not die (marathon), have fun watching my guys from work (Sprint), and beating my time from last year (Beast). 

Fingers crossed, we will also be working on a third restaurant here in Charlotte.  We love running restaurants but are really pumped to have the creative wheels turning for a new place.  It will be challenging but incredibly rewarding to hammer out an amazing place with Chef, Jed, and the rest of the crew.  Goal will be to be the best and to have fun doing it.  Period.

That about sums it up.  Oh, one more thing.  We have been without our beautiful truck since 1/25 when we took it in for a spark plug change.  Since that time 4 of the 8 plugs broke during the process (Ford 5.4L 3V Triton owners beware), a igniter spring fell into the block, a piece of the broken 5 plug fell into the block, a piston shattered, a head was removed, and two shops both denied responsibility.  At this point we will probably be about $3,000 in the hole but with a new head, new piston, 8 new plugs, and all the trimmings.  Really just want my truck back at this point.  Have been driving a Mazda 3 (Wylie was taught by my wife to call it the Panty Dropper) and a Chevy HHR.  The Beard and the Boy have been embarrassed to no end.   

Enough rambling...More to come.

Queen City shakes with Panther Pride

The stadium coliseum is black.  The eyes of the Panthers are black.  The sky is black.  A kind of glowing ominous black that has the threat of something on the horizon.  The feeling is that of the sky the instant before the finale of a massive firework show.  The drums of war that have been pounding the entire contest have become unbearably loud as the heartbeats of millions are added to the rhythmic thuds.  Brady steps into the throw and releases the ball on the last play of the game.  The Patriots of New England have marched downfield with breathtaking pace and proficiency.  The game battle has come down to this play.  In an instant the ball travels from number 12 across the goal line.  Gronk turns to cut into the path of the bullet but the ball sails into the hands of the Panther's defender as the clock expires.  The ground trembles as the city of Charlotte simultaneously jumps and cheers. 

The night sky explodes with the tension released.  A suddenly slightly older Belichick turns to leave the field of battle.  Poor defeated Talib and Ridley are tucked into his sweatshirt pouch like thin useless pieces of pepperoni in a hot pocket of failure.  Vince Wilfork, out for the season, slowly takes out the meatball grinder he has had tucked into his lip like a Skoal Bandit.

The cameras pan to Cam as he and the rest of the Panther's sideline begin to celebrate.  Newton, a four year old, trapped in a giant's body, has finally one a big game.  He has matched the incomparable Tom Brady drive for drive.  He stands one foot on Bradys chest.  Axe imbedded in Tom's now shattered helmet of beautiful hair.  Stewart gives his 'special sheldon' like smile.  Williams rolls a spliff.  Tolbert eats some combos.  Steve Smith sits down on his scuffed helmet and finishes eating Talib's lunch.  Davis and Kuechly walk off as men with no need to say anything further.

Brady, totally beaten and shocked, stumbles from referee to referee asking them to look at the new nude pictures of Giselle and offering them favors if they reconsider the last 'no call'.  Embarrassing Tom, really embarrassing. 

In the mile high city, miles and miles away, Manning and Welker pause their game tape of the Chiefs win to allow the Brady debacle to sink in.  No words spoken as the laughter has left them both breathless.

In the port of New Orleans the Saints team watches the game in the practice facility.  As the game goes on the room becomes more and more tense.  The lights begin to flicker.  The pounding of the Queen City can be felt through the walls of the Superdome.  Brees fumbles with his super bowl ring quietly hoping Big Bad Cam doesn't take it away from him like Debo in Friday.

Coach Rivera is the last to leave the stadium that night.  Face showing the same lack of emotion that it did when they won the game.  There is a very slight limp to his walk.  A very small raise of his chin.  An almost unnoticeable swagger to his stride. 

 

Bad language warning. Sorry but sometimes.  Gangsta is the only way to do it. 

 

If your mobile device does not play the videoes on the blogs try your home pc.

 

 

#panthers, #carolinapanthes, #keeppounding

 

Marley, Nappy Roots, Jesus and PPD

Beardsman Followers,

The Beard and I have been trying to decide what to write our next post about. 

We thought of doing a tribute to boobies in honor of breast cancer awareness month....but every picture or song we wanted to use would have got us in the dog house at home or was a little overly sappy for this blog.

We thought of launching a Bearded Barkeep series...but just haven't put it together yet.  This one will still happen.

We thought about leaning to politics with a healthcare plug...but realized the amount of research that would be needed and decided to go to the gym instead.

In the end a Facebook post by a close friend made it an easy decision.  One of our 'circle' posted that she had been suffering/struggling with post partum depression.  She has accepted this and decided that she will have to consciously battle against it in order to sway the tide.  I have a hard time wrapping my head around the thought of depression but have seen it in others that are close to the Beard and I.  It can consume someone's every thought and waking moment.  It is a very powerful affliction/disease and more often than not is fought alone.  Our close friend turned the other direction and brought it front and center so that her immense web of support could help her shoulder the burden.

Our friend is one of the warmest, kindest, and compassionate people that we are lucky enough to have in our close group.  She is all this despite being married to one of our best friends of many years.  The fact that she has overcome all of his many shortcomings (and they are many) and still managed to make two amazing babies and keep him around speaks to the depth of her character. 

Due to the fact that I am not able to personally relate to PPD I can only fumble around with attempted tactics to help.  Unfortunately, we do not live in the same state as our friend so we thought we would use the 'Thoughts' blog to maybe help a little.  Careful thought has gone into what can raise the spirit of a person.  I lean to four things: 1. Laughter 2. Love 3. Exercise 4. Music.  We thought we would use #4 to illustrate #1,#2,& #3.  Exercise might be a stretch but I know that for many including myself it helps.

1. Laughter (Courtesy of Hayes Carll)

 Hayes Carll - She left me for Jesus

 

2. Love (courtesy of Bob Marley - could have picked any of his songs but I like this one)

 



Bob Marley - Three Little Birds

 

3. Exercise (courtesy of Nappy Roots...our friend definitely has a little bit of Gangsta in her!  I love when this comes on when I am running.  Not the fastest song I could have chosen for exercise but hard not to move to it and hard not to get the chorus stuck in your head.)

 



Nappy Roots - Good Day

 

Hope the blog helps brighten your day if you hear it.  See you soon.  - Tim & Beard

1998

The one and only time that K-Ci and Jojo will make this blog but it was a big hit in '98 so it fit here.

 

The year was 1998.    The Beard was not even a thought (sorry Beard).   The world was a crazy place.  Osama Bin Laden issued a fatwa declaring jihad against all jews and crusaders, James Byrd Jr is dragged to death by 4 racist hillbillies in Texas, Hugo Chavez gets elected president of Venezula, and The Panthers opened the season 0-7.  Despite all this it was a great year for Tim.

Fifteen years ago, in 1998, is when I first started dating my, now wife, Ericka Faye.  As line cook and car-hop at the world famous Cardinal's Drive-In we were destined to fall in love.   The smell of malted milkshakes and steamed chili pies filled the air.  Some might say Ericka and I took too long to get married.  10 years.  I would say that we were just enjoying the time while both quietly doing our homework on the other.  Like two prize fighters we were feeling each other out with the first couple of rounds. 

Ericka had to make sure I wasn't going to stay as crazy and wild as my late teens and twenties.  She weathered many storms and fought through my most destructive times.  I learned that she came from a great family.  Crazy and wild but a great, strong family.  She was there when I jumped out of an airplane, when I was a hand model, when I had a run in with Belt Buckle Brent (only a few will get that reference), when Runt was my guard dog, when I worked 80+ hours at Pearl's (shout out to the greatest crew ever), when I gained 60 lbs drinking nothing but the Beast, when I drove for almost a year with no headlights, when I paid more in speeding tickets than the average family of four pay in taxes, when I went 6 months doing nothing but working temp jobs - playing Nintendo 64 - and partaking in more than one or two non-productive vices.  Ericka try to not to let any of the above bring back feelings of anger.  This is a happy blog.

We have been through the civic, the blazer (stolen), the bronco (miss it), the Suzuki (exploded), the truck, the morano (returned), the 2nd civic, the audi, the Pontiac (totaled...sorry about that again babe), the camry, and finally the new truck.  

We have had suko 1, suko 2, suko 3, asia (briefly), the pig, runt, brownie, goose, zeus, ace, laya, and Charlie Buckets.  We have been in that apt in Asheville (with worthless Green), the Morrissette house, Jarod's house, Dalton St, Third St, Mill River, the GB apt, Autumn Park and finally we just built a house. 

We have had in our time together the births of Isaiah, Elijah, Karseme, Ayden, Ellie Sue, Malakai, Amara, Haven, Jonathan, Alex, Greyson, Ayla, Favi-Bean, Adi, Jackson Ray, and finally we just made a baby (shout out to the one and only Wylie B).  If I forgot any vehicle, pet, or baby I apologize. 

I know that most people celebrate and remember wedding anniversaries but Ericka and I always like to remember the first 10 years as well.  I love you very much baby.  Here is to an amazing 15 years so far with many, many more to come.

Ericka, the Beard, and I.

Just in keeping with the blog's integrity here is a much better song from 1998 to go out on. 

 

 

 

 

Red Dirt, Buffalo Bill, and Herbie

Friday Morning Music Issue

Good Morning Thoughts of a Beardsman followers!  Hope everyone had a good week.  Beard and I have decided to choose three songs to share with class this morning.  Each one paired with what we recommend you should be doing while listening.  Sit back and enjoy.

 

Song 1. 'A Classic' - a little long but worth it.  Set the mood Beard.  Ok.  Backyard on a Saturday.  Late afternoon starting to be dusk.  You and your friends/hang-abouts have been cooking out, playing football, kicking it all afternoon and evening is about to be here.  The women folk are starting to get the kids ready mentally for bath time.  The light beers that have been going down to easy all day are starting to be replaced with some of the hardstuff.  Tiki torches just being lit.  Fire in the pit. 

Song 2. 'Something Country' - Beautiful sunny day in the low 80's.  Just late enough in the day to not have the sun in your eyes.  Dog and Family loaded in the truck.  Driving to the park or woods for a hike.  Just finished a conversation with the wife and bribed the kid in to contentment with a tic-tac.  Comfortable silence fills the cab long enough to turn the country up just loud enough to cover up your singing along.

Song 3. -'Something Odd' - no idea when you would listen to this one.  The video has a guy driving around in a Chevy Malibu.  I guess that works.  Beard would also like to suggest night time driving, in the zone, trying not to think about work.  Side note is that it is a cover of the song that Buffalo Bill dances to in Silence of the Lambs. 

That is it.  Hope you liked it. By the time we post again we will be over 3,000 visits to the blog.  Not bad for facial hair. 

Beard out.

A Beard Divided and oh yeah ... Syria

As my Beard and I were out running today our thoughts drifted to many things : what kind of headboard to make Ericka, Wylie taking my Maglite to school today as his 'favorite toy', and oh yeah Syria.   After loosely following the news on the conflict in Syria, watching the President's speeches, listening to the Dan Carlin podcast, and discussing the issue with the wise Kent 'the ninja shaman' Voss we are mixed in our emotions about what the country should do.  We thought we would use the blog to work through some of the conflicts in our head.

1. The Assad regime used chemical weapons to kill civilians in their own country.  A lot of them were children.  Q. Did the Assad regime really do it or did the rebels do it in an attempt to draw us in to the conflict?  Were the rebels thinking that the means would justify the end?  The U.S. helping to end the war sooner means that they would save more lives overall?  A. We have to believe that most of what we are hearing is true and that Assad was responsible.

2.  The President wants to act militarily.  A large number of the people in the country do not.  Q. Is it the responsibility of our country to get involved when atrocities like this take place?  Should we act without full congressional approval, popular approval, and without full consent from the U.N.?  A. We tend to lean towards yes but with hesitation.  The world looks to us and we think that is a heavy burden.  It is a heavy burden but one that we are proud of and one that we deservedly carry.  Better that the U.N. is on the same page but we need to be willing to stand for what is right. 

3.  The country has a large number of things that we need to spend money on at home.  Education for one.   Last year several states cut their education budget by 20-25%.  How can we continue to be a world power if we are allowing the foundations of our country to fall to the wayside?   A cruise missile costs around $1 million dollars.  Can we afford to get involved over there when that money could be feeding, educating, and caring for U.S. citizens that need it?   Then again last year the top 1% of the country saw its income go up 20% while the other 99% of the country only saw its income go up 1%.  There might be some other financial issues that we could focus on to help education.

We think that the overlying conclusion for us is that the country needs to make these decisions with compassion being the leading motivation.  Compassion by America towards those that are suffering is what empowers us to help people all over the world and at home.  Hopefully some of the 'leading the world through example' rubs off and others are inspired to be equally compassionate and helpful.  Can we really argue that we should not get involved because we are still have active conflicts in other places when we have the means to do so?  Can I really argue that I would rather see Wylie's school district receive more funding when there are kids his age getting gassed to death by their own country?  

There was a poll that said that 70% of the country thought that the Assad govt would use chemical weapons again if they were not stopped.  The same poll said that 80% of the country thought that we should not choose sides in the conflict.   What??  How can we think he will gas people again and not choose a side?

Then again...I may just be dehydrated from my run and rambling on about a subject I don't know much about.  Just tried to find a picture from Syria to include.  I chose the one above because it was the least disturbing.  If you are in the mood to see true pictures from Syria I encourage you to google them.  Pretty depressing.  

http://dancarlin.com/  - This guy does two podcasts that I have been listening to pretty regularly.  Great stuff.

I smell a beard around the corner

As the Beard appears to be on the brink of return, and the horizon is darkened with its greatness, we have decided to give a teaser just to re-whet the public's insatiable appetite for Thoughts of a Beardsman.


LONG LIVE THE BEARDED ONES!

Watch the video below and enjoy the sequential pictures of the slip into that the madness that is a fully shaved face.

 

 

Freddy and Tink-Tink

After several letters, a handful of emails, and more than a dozen tweets I am starting to realize that it has been far too long since our last blog entry.  Looking back I am trying to peg a reason why I have not been writing as frequently....?

is it that my Beard and I are out of ideas? no. my brain may forget ideas but they still get caught in the Beard and only wait the appropriate time to be retrieved

am I that busy? a little bit maybe but not so much that I should be denying our fans

is it the child that is sucking my creative life force?  also a possibility for the average man but my seed is strong and only makes the Beard and I stronger

after soul searching for what feels like a month (actually only the ride home from work) I think that it has to be that the Beard and I have become more like one unit instead of two separate entities.  The months that we have spent together have melded us like a Transformers superhero.  I will from this point forward consider us as one.  Sidenote ... in respect I will still capitalize Beard and refer him to as a separate entity when the opinion stated is clearly with Beard influence.

In addition, as a mental exercise to get the juices flowing, I will make social commentary on a few random recent events. 

Oscar Pistorius - poor little tink tink gonna be locked up in the big ole clink clink.  You were a handicapped athlete that had the privilege of  competing in the Olympics, dating a model, and not getting killed in a country that hates the rich and you still found a way to mess it up.  Good luck sharpening your legs in jail.  If you don't get the tink tink reference look up Katt Williams tink tink.

Lance Armstrong - your a bum.  a lying, cheating bum.  bracelet should read IWISHMYCHARACTERWASASSTRONGASTHESEDRUGS and all proceeds should go to people that follow you around taunting you all the time like the Jackass guy in Happy Gilmore.

Sinkhole Guy - another reason why we have to keep both eyes on the Chinese.  dirty tunnel digging communists.  (We apologize to the Chinese if the culprit was really Freddy Krueger and the guy just couldn't stay awake)

Voting Rights Act Debate - this is ridiculous.  you want to take away the provision in the law that says to historically racist states that they have to check before being racist?  come on man. 

Duke Basketball - you are terrible.  here's to out in the round of 64 ya bastards!

Nursing home Nurse - you let a woman die in front of you without administering CPR?  Even if your boss was standing directly next to you saying "our contract says that we aren't responsible to do that, and you could get fired" you still should have tried to save that woman. In Germany you would be held partially responsible for her death for that same gross negligence (last time I use German as an example of what is right)



Shout out Jess, Chrystal, and Pat. True fans.

Eat the Roo

Beard and I have been very negligent with the blog.  No excuses.  Must do better.  Starting with a few things we have learned over the last few weeks. It's what you learn after you know it all that counts.  ~Attributed to Harry S Truman

-  Beard does not desire to be trimmed and restrained but is willing to accept it in an effort to assimilate into society with minimal friction.

- Kangaroo tastes delicious.   Awesome meal at Alligator Soul in Savannah, GA.  "One minute, he's bouncing happily through the outback, ears flapping, tail flopping, with not a care in the world. The next, he's heralded as the latest superfood - delicious, nutritious and fabulously low fat - the natural solution to global warming, and 20.4 million Australians are being urged to "throw a few kanga bangers on the barbie". 

- Outlaw country music is still my favorite.  Beard and I sang along for hours to pretty damn good covers of Merle Haggard, Waylon Jennings, etc. in tiny hole in the wall bar on vacation. 

- Planning group vacations is a pain in the ass.  Yes I am talking about you.

- My boy Wylie loves him some Mickey Mouse Clubhouse.  Wish they would do an episode about making daddy delicious sandwiches instead of worrying about giving Pluto a damn bubble bath.  It would be nice to see some practical applications come out of these shows.



- The Beard and I have realized that when you mention gun control people automatically go to one of the far extremes.  Not necessary.  Nobody wants to take away the .45 by your nightstand.  Calm down.  You can have better, more practical, gun control laws without infringing on the constitution.  This goes for lefties as well.  2nd amendment is a good thing.  Want to piss off a bunch of rednecks?  lace up your tevas and go and try to tell them they have to turn in their weapons.   Meet in the middle on common ground that both sides can agree on start with topics like....football, puppies, delicious sandwiches, and then move to not needing assault rifles and clips that hold 30 bullets to hunt...those type of things.

-  Born to Run is a great book
-  Mind of a Chef is a good show
-  Bobcats are a bad team
-  We hate the Patriots

Enjoy the song

 

Happy New Year!

Thanksgiving Beard

Urban Word of the Day   An unintentional beard started over the 4 day Thanksgiving weekend, where you're too lazy to shave it off monday morning. Usually continues until Christmas or New Year's Day. Also known as a Holiday Beard Boss: You look like you haven't shaved in days. That's unprofessional. Employee: Sir, that's my Thanksgiving beard. It's my way of honoring our forefathers. Boss: Oh, I didn't realize that. Maybe I'll grow one too.   Great beard conversation and definition courtesy of the Urban Dictionary. Fortunately, does not apply to us.       Happy New Year beard nation!

Shakespeare/Chuck Norris/Stewie

"He that hath a beard is more than a youth.  He that hath no beard is less than a man." William Shakespeare.

Thank you Bill.  Thank you wise man that has brought us such greats as 'Much ado about Nothing' and 'The Merchant of Venice'.  Thank you o Bard of Avon. 

The Beard would like to commend Billy Shakes for the foresight and wisdom to make such profound social commentary. 

Wheels turning...can't stop thinking...idea forming...??? If Shakespeare had never existed to write 'Romeo and Juliet' than 'Romeo must Die' featuring Jet Li would never have been made.  Jet Li also stared in 'Lethal Weapon 4' with Joe Pesci.  Also in the Lethal Weapon series Danny Glover and Mel Gibson.  Danny Glover once stared in 'Predator 2'.  'Predator 2' was a sequel to 'Predator' starring Arnold Schwarzenegger.  Arnold starred side by side with Chuck Norris in the 'Expendables 2'.  Henceforth by logical fact based deduction, Chuck Norris would not exist if were it not for William Shakespeare.  This means that if Shakespeare had never existed we would not have the following clip.

To much deep thinking...getting so sleepy...nap time for the Beard.  

Christmas Eve

The Beard is very excited for Christmas morning!

 

Side note - The Beard won one of our fantasy leagues this year.  

Two Shoes one Champion crushed CeReAl KilLerS in the finals in the Capital Vanilla Grillas League.  Full recap to come.

Shel Beard

 

 

"My Beard"

 

My beard grows down to my toes,
I never wears no clothes,
I wraps my hair
Around my bare,
And down the road I goes.

 

Shel Silversteen

 

 

 

Not a lot of time this week for the blog so Beard though short and sweet was better. 

 Like Mike St Clair holding a snow cone.

 

Stop it !

BEARD SAYS STOP IT! (in a very authoritative tone...but with a slight hint of sarcasm and humor...and an undercurrent 'no really, I'm serious)


Stop it Syria - close to 10,000 of your own people...beard on beard violence is good for no one...so stop it


Stop it Segway tours - Beard says these are the creepiest forms of transportation and calls for them to be abolished...rolling by slightly leaning forward with your oversized helmets in your little groups of overweight Caucasians from the Midwest all staring beady eyed. Stop it.



Stop it Woman driver on your phone - if you already struggle with things like traffic patterns, accelerating, steering, merging, signaling, etc then why add another element like trying to call your friend to talk about nothing?  Put the phone down lovely ladies of the interstate and STOP it!


Stop it People telling me that Movember is over and asking why haven't I shaved.  Retort .. "Parden me nancy but why don't you and your yuppie friends worry about where your next latte is coming from instead of bothering me about my glorious Beard.  Do I need to wait for a contrived month of moustache growing to grow a beard? No, I don't.  Beard Season is year round.  Now Stop it and go get back in your Mercedes SUV and go get mani/pedi with your friends.

Stop it News Anchors using the words fiscal cliff and politicians causing them to use these words so often.  This is a two-fer stop it.  Politicians .. put your big boy pants on and come up with a solution.  News anchors.. please report on said solution then move on.. John Stewart and Stephen Colbert - keep doing what you are doing. 

Stop it People who wear hats or earphones (Beats audio) inside a building.  My Beard and I are thrilled that you either spent $200 on those earphones or shop lifted them but you don't need to bring them to a restaurant with you.  Talk to the person across from you.  All hats but especially baseball caps with straight bills and the license sticker still attached need to come off in a building.  If you have a hard time with this go ask your grandparents.  Little shits.  Stop it.

 

Example of both.

1000 Blog Visits

Thank you for all of the blog visits so far.  Here is a video of Beard this morning as a reward.  You're welcome.

 

 

Beard says No More

The Beard does not know who is out there making these pictures but demands them to stop it.

 

Beard is confused by these pictures. 

No like. 

Stop it.

The Beard Sayeth

Movember, and its moustache loving/charitable cause, is in the rear view window.  This means Beard can say what he has been wanting to say about moustaches since he started writing this blog.

 






The moustache is to a beard what.....

 

Tyson is to Ali

 

Johnny Football is to Teddy Ballgame

 

Dude, Where's my Car is to The Big Lebowski

 

Miller 64 is to Old English 40 oz

 

Jack Johnson is to Sublime

 

Mac & Cheese is to Lasagna

 

Damn....The Beard is on Fire.

 

 

The moustache is to a beard what ....

 

 

A fiat is to a Ford Truck

 

The Golden Compass is to The Lord of the Rings

 

Three Doors Down is to Stone Temple Pilots

 

Alton Brown is to Harold McGee (for the foodies)

 

Leverage is to the A-TEAM

 

SNAP....The Beard is killing the Stache..."A Beard and a Moustache walk in to a bar....Only the Beard walks out!!"

 

The moustache is to a beard what....

 

 

Andy Dick is to Sean Connery

 

Secret is to Old Spice

 

Bobby Brown is to Otis Redding

 

Punch Drunk Love is to Waterboy

 

The Smurfs are to The Thundercats

 

Dan Brown is to Steinbeck

 

Creamy Peanut Butter is to Crunchy

 

Joe Theisman is to Lawrence Taylor

RIP - Movember and the Stache.

 

 

 

Dear Santa....

Dear Santa,

We hope that we are getting this letter off in time to reach you before Christmas.   Even though you are one of the thousands of those following 'thoughts of a beardsman' we do realize you are busy and hope you can squeeze in time for us.  It has been a busy year for us so far and before the holiday season fully hits we wanted to get down a few present ideas.


We wish for:

Continued glorious Beard growth.  If only to follow in your footsteps (Odin/Saint Nicholas/Sinterklauss)

A karate belt for Ayden

A football trophy for Elijah

The rest of Jerry Richi's pants (he has been wearing those same highwaters for years.  It's embarrassing the rest of us)


Speedy recovery for Trick Daddy (just layed his bad-ass scooter down and busted his leg)

Another Panther's win

We wish that if someone chooses to end their own life that you prevent them from harming others in the process.  Beard says that's a chicken shit way to go.  Mourn the victim not glorify the murderer by lamenting what went wrong with their life.

Driving lessons for our boy Ryan who after 15 years of driving still can't drive a vehicle longer than 2 months without dinging something.

The patience to deal with beard haters

Gold teeth for the rest of Samuel's mouth (Capital Grille people know what I am talking about)

The abolition of archaic rights-stealing amendments like Amendment 1 in NC.  Beard says boo to infringing on other's rights out of your own hatred and fear.

Another year of delicious sandwiches

The strength and perseverance to continue being the nation's 47th most visited blog about beards.

For my boy Darrell to be able to see his toes again with his new drink less beer and more scotch approach.  "real men drink scotch...I should be able to drink scotch". Hell yeah! Pulling for Team Green!

Last but not least I would really like my son to be able to do the following
-Breakdance and/or Dougie
-Sing at least one Merle Haggard song
-A backflip
-Read me a book
-Ask the Beard for advice on things every once in awhile




Thanks Santa

Holy Pig but the Noodle Shines

The Beard loves Top Chef.  Lots of cooking shows out there now but the best are definitely Top Chef and Iron Chef America.  Anything with Gordon Ramsey does not even make honorable mention.

After a long day of grooming, feasting, running, and caring for the boy we watched last night's episode.  Most out there would probably expect the Beard to be pulling for Josh Valentine for obvious reasons.  He has a very strong beard and runs a restaurant called Divine Swine (we dig the pig).  Unfortunately for Chef Josh he also twirls his moustache (negative pts), wears goofy hats (again neg pts), and tends to have a little bit of a small man's complex going (negative pts and annoying).
 

The Beard has decided to support Sheldon Simeon despite the lack of a full beard and despite the name Sheldon.  Chef Simeon runs a restaurant called Star Noodle in Hawaii has shown the most promise so far this season to us.   Check out his website www.starnoodle.com We pull for Sheldon. (terrible name ... what is nickname? ..Shelly?)

Other picks to go far - John, Josie, and Stefan although those are easier picks