Holy Pig but the Noodle Shines

The Beard loves Top Chef.  Lots of cooking shows out there now but the best are definitely Top Chef and Iron Chef America.  Anything with Gordon Ramsey does not even make honorable mention.

After a long day of grooming, feasting, running, and caring for the boy we watched last night's episode.  Most out there would probably expect the Beard to be pulling for Josh Valentine for obvious reasons.  He has a very strong beard and runs a restaurant called Divine Swine (we dig the pig).  Unfortunately for Chef Josh he also twirls his moustache (negative pts), wears goofy hats (again neg pts), and tends to have a little bit of a small man's complex going (negative pts and annoying).
 

The Beard has decided to support Sheldon Simeon despite the lack of a full beard and despite the name Sheldon.  Chef Simeon runs a restaurant called Star Noodle in Hawaii has shown the most promise so far this season to us.   Check out his website www.starnoodle.com We pull for Sheldon. (terrible name ... what is nickname? ..Shelly?)

Other picks to go far - John, Josie, and Stefan although those are easier picks

 

 



Man Rule Clarification

A few things have come to the Beard's attention and he has asked me to clarify a few most basic man rules.  These are the rules that are a very part of the fabric of being a man.  Even beard-less members of the Clan of Man understand that these rules are to be followed.

1. You shall not lay hands on a woman in a malicious manner.  This includes allowing another to do so.  This also includes when a woman makes you very angry. i.e. Not making an appropriate sandwich,  constantly having multiple tv shows recording so you have to pretend to ask permission to change a channel, or waiting to begin a conversation until the game is in the fourth quarter.

NOT OK

2. You shall not attempt to engage in conversation with another man in a public restroom.  This includes movie theatres, football games, restaurants, etc.  This excludes if by random chance you are sitting in an adjacent stall from someone you know and begin the contest of trying to gross the other one out first.

3. You shall never, never, ever, ever, never put on football cleats and kick another man in his unmentionables.  This particularly applies if you are a repeat dirty football player on a losing team that has a hard time understanding how to behave.  Also particularly applies to you if you are 6' 4" and 310 lbs.  Watch below, learn, and please teach the children.

Honorable mention man rules. - "don't drink the last beer in any fridge or cooler you did not pay for" :  "don't hate on Beards" : "Carve the turkey" : "Work hard, Play Hard, but especially Work Hard" : "Happy Wife, Happy Life" : "Self-Assessment good, Self-Pity bad"

Darwin, Swami, and Titis

Swami (Sanskrit: स्वामी Svāmi [sʋáːmi]) sometimes abbreviated "Sw." is an ascetic or yogi who has been initiated into a religious order or to a religious teacher.  Hindi svāmī master, lord, prince, used by Hindus as a term of respectful address. 

As my Beard and I stroll casually but optimistically down the road of life we bump into a swami. 

Swami leads "Hey Tim.  Your Beard still doing that blog?"
Beard replies "Hey Swami why you talking to him?"

Our story's wiseman begins to stare off into space, like we all know a swami will do, with thoughts so weighted by wisdom that they fall to the floor like chuteless basejumpers.   The seconds tick by laden with anticipation of the knowledge sure to come.  I subconsciously lean forward in my loafers.

"I was thinking," he says "if we are to believe in evolution then we are to believe that the common monkey is our ancestor"  I begin to respond but my Beard warns me not to.  "Also, if the strongest of us men wear a beard, would it stand to reason that natural selection has chosen beards as a dominant and needed trait in society?"

"I am intrigued" Beard says in a curious yet questioning tone. "Proceed"

Swami reaches the peak of his intellectual stimulation with "Wouldn't you then assume by these two statements that our beards are passed to us through our primate cousins? and if that is the case.." drum roll please....."How come I haven't seen one monkey with a beard?"  ....crickets....thundering silence...and then more ...crickets....He adjusts his turban, slow blinks (for dramatic effect), turns and walks away.

We part ways with the swami but not with his words as they have caused us much concern.  We believe in evolution and the powers of the beard.  Much research and book reading have ensued followed by a google and visit to wikipedia.  The proof at the bottom of this blog is the end of the ripples in our pool of tranquility caused by the stone that was the swami's argument.



The Bushy Beared Titi Monkey (red) and the Brazza "Swamp Monkey" are proof of our species long line of beardly-ness. 

 

Myth Busted. 

Evolution is proven true again

this time by two monkeys and the powers of the Beard.

Random side note : Went to The Peculiar Rabbit and Soul Gastrolounge tonight.  That neighborhood is full of facial hair.  **note to Beard and self to do a feature on the hair growth in that hood**  Great food and service at both.  Stand out dish from both was the 'Devils on Horseback' at the Funny Bunny. 

 

Happy Anniversary Mrs. Faye!

Your threshold for tom-foolery and a minor beard obsession is second to none. Love you.

Going to bed. 32 yrs Old. Beard 2 1/2 mnths Old

31 Places I Was Glad to Be

(in no particular order and written spur of the moment with no review)

1. The Cabin (those who were there know)
2. Fenway Park (Johnny Damon rocking a beard) for a Red Sox Win
3. Hanging over a cliff in a red explorer with 4 of my still best friends
4. My brothers wedding
5. Thanksgiving in Mill River when we smoked the turkey
6. End of a Spartan Beast Race 13Mile (wearing a beard)
7. The delivery room of CMC University (welcoming Wylie Augustus)
8. Playing stickball with Tommy Hitter and Paul Weisman
9. Doing a science project on 'If sound affects video gaming performance'
10. Jumping out of a plane over ATL
11. Prom with my now wife (Ericka Faye)
12. Cooking at the James Beard House with Chef Bentley
13. Drinking a beer in the hospital parking lot with Samuel (having his first baby)
14. 3.2.1....Bungee Jumping with Miss Debbie
15. The wedding of the Greens, Atnips, and Bridges (welcoming in 3 great women into the fold)
16. Book reading for Big Al
17. Swimming in the snow in December with Pepe and others
18. Eating dinner at the Wheatleigh courtesy of my Pearl's peeps
19. Reading names at Graduation
20. State Wrestling Championship with Queen playing in the background
21. Fighting pretend guys with my brother in the woods
22. Drinking microwaved coffee with Fred as we built the house I am now sitting in.
23. Pearl's to have the opportunity to know Colm Higgins and Jon Van Allen (rest in peace to both)
24. Standing on a beach in Oaxaca marrying the love of my life
25. Sitting on top of Monument Mtn by myself reading Steinbeck
26. Watching my man Wylie taking his first steps
27. Lake George proposing after nearly a decade (if she knew about the beard then ??)
28. Pretty Place on the Parkway when my grandmother died with my mom, bro, and Dennis Robinson
29. The Farm in Illinois with the Buchanans/Curry's - every visit
30. Side of the road with Amber D, Smeed, and Ericka when we found that car wreck (not happy aware if nights impact on group)
31. Right here. Right now. About to go to sleep.  Sounds cheesy but everyday is at least great.  Especially with a glorious beard.

Obligatory funny beard pic below and Happy Birthday Amber D!

 

Creepy makes you Creepy and Adam Sandler

There will absolutely be a time when the Beard will discuss the matter of moustaches and goatees openly and with much vigor.  That time is not now.  This is a time to sit back in your favorite chair with a dark beer and comb your beard while watching a few videos.

A good friend to my beard and I sent us this video clip.  We thought it worth sharing.  Thanks to the 'Tank' (Flag Football Champion of The World!) Click below for video.

http://devour.com/video/moustaches-dont-make-you-creepy/

 

AND

Tomorrow is Thanksgiving!!

Bill Cowher, Chucky, and the Walking Dead

With the Panther's on the backend of another disappointment of a season it is time to talk coaching change.  Beard and I have met Rivera several times and think he is a very nice man.  That being said Ron ain't cutting the flipping mustard.  Our team is good 2 quarters a game.  Not enough.  Gruden will be talked about but how could Cam take someone that looks like Chucky from Childs Play serious.  He already has to pretend not to find everything Steve Smith does hilarious.

After hours of tape and phone calls with several leading candidates like Andy Reid, Gruden, Garrett, Kiffin, and Romeo Beard and I have a pick.  We have spelled it out below:

Could actually give this team a backbone

Once broke Jeff Fisher's leg when Cowher was an Eagle and Fisher was a Bear.

Was a starting linebacker, team captain, and team MVP at NC State university

Has worn a beard (albeit a baby beard) and several points in his life

Exactly what we need.  At one point Cowher's Steelers had a record of 108-1 when leading by 11pts.  What team do we all know has blown leads this season???

Raleigh is two hours a way.  That is where Bill choose to move his family to and where he currently resides.

 

 

Bill are you listening?

 

 

 

 

The Walking Dead - Rick wake up man.  There is no one on the phone! Get your shit together and get back in the game.  Hershel - stay up homey.

 

 

Sons of Anarchy - Shame on you for letting Opie die.  RIP bearded brother.

 

 

American Horror Story - He's a Nazi.

 



 

Guinness...A Beer of Taste

Beard Review of Guinness that I was unable to narrate with a straight face. 



"Creamy nitro parchment collar proud of the rim that rings over ruby-tinged black - the classic nitro look.
Roast, molasses and burnt sugar on the nose.
Dark toast, smoke, a bit of Band-Aid, dark acid malt, with hints of oily coffee and baker's chocolate, then dried orange peel and branch hops to end.
Roasty finish and light but long bitter drying linger. Smooth, creamy but a bit thin, and some chew."

Great Historical film about Guinness and Man's quest for perfection in beer.

ENJOY BEARDS AND GUINNESS AND THIS....GOOD NIGHT!

Pho and Football. Noodles and Picks.

Before getting to football picks.  Today for only the third time since 1988 I was wrong.  My Chef and I had a slightly heated debate over the Vietnamese soup Pho.  Specifically pronunciation.  I was wrong and concede.  $1 to the Grizzly Bear bringing us back to even.

 If you don't know the soup check out Tony Bourdain's video below.  A little long but worth it.

 

 

Now on to Foosball (what men do while the women and the Europeans play soccer or make sandwiches)  My Beard and I have amassed an immense amount of football knowledge over the years.  That knowledge plus the Beard's inane grasp of all things masculine are put into the picks below. 

 

Beard says These ones are Done

Atl over Cards - Falcons coming off 1st loss of year and at home

Texans over Jags - Again a great team at home against a sub par team this yr

Pats over Indy - I hate picking Pats.  I repeat .. I hate picking Pats but the Beard says Bilichick against rookie qb's is a no brainer with or without luck

Rams over NYJ - Jets should be renamed Jersey Jets cause they stink like hot garbage and hair gel

 

Beard leans this way

Pack go into Detroit and get the win.  Staffords a punk and Boy named Suh is a dirty bastard

Bengals over the Chiefs - There is no sunshine in KC but Beard says this will be close

Saints over the Raiders - Despite being beardless and 5' 3" Brees keeps 'em rolling

SF over da Bears - Cutler is a chump but with him they had a shot.  9'ers in a decisive manner

Panthers over the Bucs - like the Bucs this year.  Love the Panthers every year.  We should have one more this year and Beard and I say we get this to even the tab with Tampa

 

Probably Shouldn't but Beard is REALLY Reckless

Cleveland over Dallas - the game that gets Garret fired - direct Beard quote "Like I give a shit about the Cowboys"

Chargers go into Denver and make a statement - Philip Rivers went to school in NC and has got to be sick about hearing Peyton Manning's name.  'bla, bla, bla Peyton...bla, bla, bla his division to win...bla, bla, bla smartest qb to ever play.'  Beard and Rivers say bullshit.  Bolts by more than 7

 

Beard's Game of the Week

 

Baltimore at Pittsburgh

Always one of the most fun games to watch for smashmouth foosball.  This year no Big Ben...No Troy...No 'I'm a Murderer' Ray Lewis.   The Beard has marinated on this all week.  But in Pitt and with the pictorial evidence below....

 

BEARD PICKS STEELERS

 

 

 

vs.

 

IF YOU SEE SOMEONE IN YOUR DAY TO DAY LIFE THAT HAS A BEARD WORTH OF 'CHARLOTTE'S MOST GLORIOUS AND PRAISEWORTHY BEARD' SUBMIT YOUR COMMENTS AND MY BEARD AND I WILL FIND THESE DESERVED SOULS TO INTERVIEW THEM ABOUT THEIR BEARD-ING PROWESS.

BEARD FOREVER MORE

Someone wrote the post below under the disguise of being me or my beard.  This is a misrepresentation.  We did not nor will we ever agree with the statement below.  We also feel a great sorrow and pity for the soul of the pseudo-author (assumedly beardless).

TEARS FOR BEARDS


I grow tired of the attention my beard draws. I want to annouce my beard is coming off. I will also stop this blog as I have no followers or real friends in life. It was foolish of me to think my beard and my job could go enjoy each others company. It has been to much of a distraction and ancarchy is days away from the staff; I can taste it in the air.

ADIOS MUCHACHOS
SENIOR TIM

Beard Bio Blast - Mr Mojo Rising

Mr. Mojo Rising...Jim Morrison was one of the most loved and hated musical figures of the 1960's-1970's as lead singer of The Doors and a perfect person to start our Beard Bio Series on.

Jim was born in 1943 in Florida where he later attended Florida State University.  Curiously enough Jim was banned in Florida as well as several other southern states (let the record show my beard and I do not count Florida as the South) for allegedly threatening to show 'it' crowds at his shows. 

Jim wore an epic beard for most of his adult life even though his most iconic pictures are with out it.  He as been quoted as saying all of his musical genius and artistic inspiration were derived from his beard and another part of his anatomy.  Jim was overly fond of his own 'Little Jim' and often offered to show it off.  He also wrote several poems about it.  This obsession of his was a two sided sword as it both got him banned from many venue but made him very popular with the ladies.

Random other Jim Stuff:

His favorite singer were Elvis (no beard) and Frank Sinatra (no beard)

Favorite poets were Allen Ginsberg (my mother's friend) and Jack Kerouac

He became infamous early in his career when the Doors performed the song 'Light my Fire' on The Ed Sullivan Show. Because of its obvious drug reference, Morrison had agreed not to sing the lyric "girl we couldn't get much higher" on the air, but when the cameras rolled he went ahead and sang it anyway – cementing his status as rock and roll's new rebel hero

He drove a 1967 Shelby GT that he named "The Blue Lady"



He was 5' 11" and weighed between 140-185.  The difference in weight thanks to the shear heft of his beard and an enormous drug problem.

Jim died of a 'heart attack' in a bathtub in Paris.  By all accounts his beard played no part in his death.

 

Despite the fact that this picture is sans-beard my beard and I chose this song for listening pleasure.

 

 

 

Separate note - We just signed up for Trail run at Whitewater Center on 1/19 if anyone wants to come.  4,8, or 13 mile courses.  We signed up for the 13 of course. 

Little Known Beard Facts

We here at 'thoughts' want to make sure we are as educational and informative as we are humorous.  With that in mind we have meticulously compiled this list of some little or unknown facts about beards for you, the reader, to reference.


1. If Chuck Norris had been wearing a beard he would have beaten Bruce Lee in 1972 Way of the Dragon.  (youtube Bruce Lee vs Chuck Norris HD for possibly the most glorious fight scene ever)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HrINcLCy3wQ&feature=related


2. Men who wear a beard raise better looking children.  Scientifically proven.  Reference my child Wylie B for tangible proof.

3. Adolf Hitler, George W. Bush, Bill Belichick  - No Beards


4. There is a medical disorder categorized by the American Association of Physicians call 'beard envy disorder'.  Google it.  Unfortunately, there seems to be a small outbreak of this disorder in the Charlotte area.  To avoid doctors recommend the practice of complimenting the beards of three strangers a week.


5. Forrest Gump, one of the world's best runners of all time, was at his physical peak while wearing a beard.  http://www.bing.com/images/search?q=picture+of+forrest+gump+with+beard&view=detail&id=D4F259B5C18DFF349FCBB8F0A3E68F8D70033DAB&first=1

More to come.  Thank you to the 229 subscribers to this blog already. 

 

Beard says Go, Tim says Whoa

Driving home in my beautiful truck tonight my beard and I had some time to be alone and conversate.  Allow me to lay the background to the conversation.  Set the tone.  Adjust the mood lighting.  Fire up the incense. Etc.

The two television were set to different stations.  One played the perfunctory NBA basketball game, Thunder (w/o Harden aka the Bearded One) vs the Who Cares.  The other had been turned to Duck Dynasty (an American Tale of Epic Proportions):  dododu dododu dododu (the Waynes World noise as they transition into a Dream Sequence).  try to keep up.

enter off stage right a glorious beard and a humble man

off stage a truck door closes:

Beard states "I love that show, Si is the Man"

I wax "Those beards are appreciated.  If only you people understood you too"

Beard says "Rough day for me today.  'More teddy bear than grizzly bear' she said???? That's bullshit.  You see this thing?"

I say "Be cool beardy, they are just joking with you" in a reassuring manner.

"I command attention and respect" Beard retorts in a huff.

'Whoa turbo, take it back a step.  I feel your anger bro.  People just don't have the respect for a well grown mustache or beard that they should'

Bla, Bla, this, Bla, Bla, that.....My beard and I hatch a plan on the way up 85....

"Let's try to take over the world" Beard says (in pinky and the brain fashion)

In a Jimmy Carter meets the Middle East-Esque manner I divert the anger into a positive form of release by suggesting this Blog.  "Hey Beard, why don't we do a blog instead?"

Seconds turn into minutes and minutes turn into more minutes as Beard thinks this over...."OK, fine" he relents, "But the blog picture has to focus on me with very little emphasis on you"

I hope that the millions of people that are reading this can excuse any sort of bias we might show towards facial hair and feel free to agree with as many of our opinions as you can.  We will update this at every moment that the equations ring true:

(beer/wine/booze + free time + inspiration + magical beard powers = blogging magic)

p.s. - completely separate note - all 20,000 of the people signing online ballots to secede from the Union should grow up.  Vote when you can.  Lose like a grown up or move to another country.   I am sure you will love it in Canada or Mexico.  "Adios or whatever the Canadians say for piss off"